Transparency
is not about being honest
but becoming see-through
and there is a difference when
you don’t get to choose what
comes through.
there’s no going halfway
or giving up and turning back.
whichever way you face, you’ll face it
because now it’s staring you in the face.
to be without words…
to burn myself over a flame…
to feel myself decay into a moment…
to feel myself shuffled like a deck of cards…
like a high note smothered by the breeze.
like a hue smeared across the horizon.
a few incandescent phrases to light the cold end to this journey,
to bring you comfort.
these words coming to meet you,
it grows roots. I’ve spoken words like this before.
the moment makes an indelible mark on me
so that I am its imprint
and we’ll go down these lonely years together
this moment carving its way into my bones
until every version of myself understands me.
every offshoot, outgrowth, and decomposing detour from here…
a tree plants itself, grows around me,
envelops me, consuming me,
swelling and taking on its own life:
these words shaking themselves out over the page
landing by your side
becoming footsteps walking you home
(because that’s where we’ve always been heading,
as you’ve always known.)
on the Sea with all its Journeys
comes the Odyssey with all its Songs,
lost in every dark night of confusion
this drowning note calls you home:
I’m writing my own comfort,
I’m leaving it for my future self now.
I’m sorry, please forgive me.
I didn’t mean to take so little care.
I really couldn’t help it,
I’m doing the best I can do now
I wish I knew better, but I don’t.
these words are all I have to give you
as I travel down the snowy years,
please forgive me, please forgive me.
I’ve hit rock bottom and have nothing but words
and not even those really because
they go on walking without me
leaving me behind.
transparency is about more than just being honest:
it’s about being pierced, through and through.
